Professionally speaking...

{Disclaimer: This is just a bit of an issue I've had mulling over in my head and are only incomplete thoughts. Read at your own risk!}

So I think going into business for myself started out as such a great idea. It has been a good thing, a bad thing, and has had about as many emotions as my marriage. And much like marriage, had I known exactly what I was in for on the forefront, I'm not sure I would have jumped in (so quickly). It's a relationship that I can't seem to break free of and it has kind of become its own person of sorts. It has its demands, it weaknesses and strengths, its highs and lows, and as much as I love it, I hate it. It's exhilerating and draining and I can't walk away. At least right now. I really didn't want to blog about business unless I had a business blog of sorts, but here it is. Part of it is being a woman in business. That is not something I think I thought much about when I began but has become more of a part of its identity than I thought it should. Being the the nature of business is making money at the end of the day, it seems like women are often expected to be accomodating rather than profitable. Unless you are a pimp, I guess. And I didn't file 501(c)(3) for a reason...

I say that because in my experience in the South more so than what I have found here in New England, dealing with customers and fellow artists takes on a much different tone. I realize that is a huge generalization and that I'm probably speaking more about women rather than our geographical placement. However, I am glad to be free of much pretense there is for being professional and getting paid without other women thinking that I am stepping all over their high heels or infringing on their right to creativity. Or imagine for a moment that you own a store and I ask you to kindly pay for the items you purchased from me, request that you not write me another bad check, or call you out for giving me the same sad excuse for not being able to pay (which has nothing whatever to do with our business relationship). I didn't realize I was here to make your business profitable before my own. Sheeze. This doesn't make me a bi-atch, but rather quite savvy on the bottom line of what we've agreed we're doing here. Or if you ask for my 'professional' opinion, I'm going to assume you genuinely want to know what I think in regard to said particular issue, show, item or how you created something. It's also just an opinion. I also realize that my personality plays into this particular aspect of the situation, which often enough gravely clouds my intentions, of which are not ruthlessness and spite.

What is the point of saying weightless words and having pointless conversations like that? Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for an opp to be mean or tear someone a new one, but there is a lot to be said for being tackfully honest and knowing where you stand with someone. I sincerely hate conflict, but I know walking through it is often the quickest way to get to where we both want to be...I guess now I'm speaking about things other than just business, but that's where I've felt a lot more freedom of late. I think my most vibrant relationships have seen their share of conflict, but also resolution and understanding...and closeness. 

I don't know. I've just been thinking a lot about that lately and I wouldn't say I'm done with that thought, but just putting it out there. There are a LOT of things I'm not saying here as I feel like this is a lot more multi-faceted as it appears on the your screen.