No words.

Yesterday, our dear friend Dewayne passed away. I don't think I have every been so shocked and pierced by such news in my entire life. I have been swallowed up in the grief of it and am still so shocked by it. To have lived only yards away for over a year and now to be so far away from you, Cheryl, makes me sadder still. Every fiber of my being just wants to be able to run across the street and weep with you on your porch b/c my heart is weeping for you and with you here. But my plane leaves early in the morning, so I have nothing to do now, but wait on it.I can't wait to just sit beside you and hold your hand, as if that could somehow transfer all of the grief and loss that you feel to me. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. I have no words to comfort you with, and I don't think I could even try. I can only think of how cruel it feels, how wrong, and how it pulls every light on in my own closet of fear and despair.

Our time Friday night on your porch and at dinner was sweet and I'm so thankful you made time for me while I was in town. What a gift to get to hug you both, to laugh with you guys and spend time together all night. That's all I've been able to think about. Even how my next post assignment was from Dewayne, "Scratch and sniff: Tattoos that smell." I loved his humor, his wit, and words of truth and care always in the mix. I loved how he loved you and publicly praised you simply because he knew you, always looking at you when he thought you weren't looking, just smiling. I loved his heartier laugh when something really tickled him during our sillier moments...how he would just grin when there were no words left to add as we wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. Our Friday nights on the porch with you both were always so rich as well. Thank you for sharing yourselves with us. For not being afraid to simply live your lives with us. I love that you moved into our neighborhood, but you moved into our hearts forever. Living life with you guys there was enough of a reason for us to never, ever sell our house (and I haven't stopped questioning our move yet). I felt the loss of our place there when I was in Bhm this past weekend, which now seems miles wider and deeper.  I have to trust that there is Someone who spans that distance.

And I'm so sorry...

I'm SO sorry, my dear sweet Cheryl.

I'm heartbroken for you. 

He was a good man. A very good man.