home is whenever i'm with you...

tonight i miss this room. what it felt like to be in this room...with friends around the table, drinking and laughing and drinking, and being seriously serious about loftier things. i remember when we bought (the table) and got it home, we prayed that it's use would always be one of genuine hospitality, warmth and love.

and i miss that piano. and Ash playing it. that one has been in storage since we moved up here and he's currently playing the "new" keyboard he bought to finally give himself the chance to play more now that we have been in Boston for 2.5 years already. it resides in our closet/office/music room behind our bedroom. it couldn't possibly sound more different. our life couldn't be much different now that it was in these pictures. it makes me incredibly sad some days that we do not still own this house...and that we can never return to that time or place. our first home together was here. i know people say it was just a house, and maybe time has made me see it as more than it was even at the time. i'm sure of it. but i am certain that i loved that house more than i hated it.

as for where we live now...at least we could paint it the colors we wanted...

what i love about where we live now has little to do with how anything looks or is setup. mostly, it's a struggle with the toys that E is slowly accumulating in such cramped quarters (and our furniture doesn't quite fit. the rest of the make-it-work furniture will be sold when we leave here). i love how our home smells when we come home from vacation. how large our new bed is...and comfy too. i love that E has her own room, which is a luxury in Boston, i realize. i love that friends of ours live close enough to us (though not two doors down, Su Su). i love that we can walk anywhere...to the T, to the downtown area of JP, to any playground we like, through the Forest Hills Cemetary...or we could drive...that anything we "need" is less than a mile away. i love that i'm starting to run into people that we know at the store or on our walks...finally! i used to hate take that for granted in Bhm, especially b/c i was never particularly interested in seeing whomever it was that i ran into, typically. Funny that a con has now become a pro.

as we contemplate where we will "end up" in life, i find myself with a laundry list of wants/do-not-wants (and the "oh hell nos"). i want community and have known it in both places we've lived. i want to know the back roads and be able to give directions or pass along a good electrician (although i DO have a mac guy). i want to have friends that will just come in the back door and riffle through my fridge. i want to have a space that works and that i can put my big table in so i can sit all of my friends around and laugh and drink and talk with.

and i want Ash to play his piano. his real piano.

back from vacation part 1

so while i'm still sorting my thoughts out on our trip, staying in other peoples' homes (both friends and not-friends), check out this sweet little gem on co-habitation. Steph, thanks for the link to the link, my friend.

Pictures and details to come.

one leg...

So this has had me laughing so hard today...I love Amy Poehler for a variety of reason, but Amber has to be one of my favorites. Jealous?

It's no secret that I love fart jokes. I mean, that's why we're friends, right?

I guess growing up with this guy:

didn't really give me any options for alternative forms of humor, considering he used to fart in his hand and put it in my face. Or hold me down and just fart right on my face. Hmmm, based on the last two sentences, you'd think I'd actually hate farts. But then again, who actually hates them? I mean come ON. Hate? That's such a strong word. The irony is that my dear hubs didn't even know what a dutch oven was when we got married even though he grew up with a brother. And even admitted in recent years that he had never farted in front of his mom (until one day he did without thinking about it). He's going to totally be mad at me now.

I digress.

So I don't remember what I was originally going to post about other than to just prove to Ash that I can blog more than once a week.

Oh yeah, the barista who was almost severely injured...After having been a barista myself for well over 7 years during HS, college and afterwards, I understand the fury that is controlled by a prescribed amount of caffeine. The ability to contribute in one way or another to some people's daily routine admittedly gives you a small sense of power and control...but I was never blatant about wanting to eff with people (no matter how much I thought about it)...and I was never out right rude. A little too much syrup or over-pulled shot here, or a little scalded milk there...just enough that I would still get the benefit of the doubt and the mistake wouldn't be realized until they were well on their way. But I never withheld just be a jerk in the face of a customer...Or let 4 people's go ahead of another drink...Or finished the drink and still didn't put it on the counter within reach just b/c I was an assinine twit with no ambition other than to be the biggest white trash hipster in Boston.

After almost leaning across the counter and whispering, "I will CUT you" to said barista, I had a moment of reflection. I need counseling. I am way angrier than that barista, at least for someone who has been redeemed. Henceforth, I am on the search for said counselor and would welcome suggestions.

Oh, and I just farted...jealous?

failure

this whole groaning over whether or not to let the business go/take a break has been going on way too long. i feel like i've been on a sinking ship for quite some time...especially since Ellery was born. juggling time with her + home + all that Olaria requires doesn't seem worthwhile. it's not like it's even creative anymore. it's just production. it's a dying stinking beast that isn't earning it's keep. i barely make enough to pay the babysitter/daycare and any satisfaction that could happen is not there. i keep wondering why am i going to all this effort. i work weekends, nights, early mornings (sometimes) and feel less and less creative. the last two wholesale shows have left me feeling like little more than a monkey jumping through ridiculous hoops.

i have to make a decision about my next wholesale show by today at 5pm EST. if i don't do it, i can't keep the studio. if i can't keep the studio, i can't work on anything...even creatively (in clay). the next likely chance that i'll get to work like this again is after this current station of life and kid(s) are in school. that last sentence does not mean i'm pregnant again...or that we are trying. we are not.

i keep thinking and praying and looking at pros and cons and i just need someone to tell me what to do.

next post will be positive. i promise. i may even tell you about the barista i nearly beheaded.

so: tell me what to do.

starting again

Okay, so don't fall out that I'm posting. It's become one of those things that is kind of like getting on a scale...I don't post...then it's gotten embarrassingly longer since...then it's like, what's the point? I've been a little busy. Even now, I'm swatting little fingers away from the keyboard as I type in game like fashion. Oh Ellery, you are definitely the best and often most frustrating part of my day. Like NOW, she has decided that my cup on water was more useful as a hat. Good thing it was only half full. That's probably good though, no bath later.

So I don't want to try to catch you up on a year's worth of stuff, but let the evidence of zero posts point to the fact that overwhelmed doesn't even do it justice.  I'm glad to know I'm not alone in being a mama, a business-owner, etc. Balance continually eludes me but I hope, going forward, to find the time to have more fun with our little blog and catch up with you all. I'm working off the theme of bittersweetness in all things in my life in the last few years. Sometimes the flavor is more intense than at other times, but it seems to be an undercurrent to all things. More on that later, I'm sure. And more pictures. I promise.

For a bit of something sunny on such a cold autumn morning, here are a few things I love about my life right now.

Ellery wakes up in the morning SO happy and chatty. "we deedle dah! bah zeezle dah. baaaaaah zha da dadada" She is such a happy, sweet kid in more ways that I can express on FB without feeling too overindulgent. LOVE that kid. She gets more and more fun by the day with her little antics, personality and words. Currently, all we have are dada (all the time), mama (only sometimes), wow (on command), uhoh (also on command, and appropriately when something falls, although I feel like she is also starting to use it ironically, which is awesome). UH OOOOOOOHHH!

Adult people: This girl has described me in her blog as a cool drink of water, but I find it to be even more true of her in mine. Refreshing and true and an amazing refreshment...especially having learning more of her story. Have you ever met someone and as you get to know them, you just become continually amazed at their story and how lucky you are to just be a part of their life? Yeah, that's her. And she's hilarious. HIlarious.

I love our new church. I love the people (like the friend above)  I've gotten to know there and how genuine they are. I love that I'm being called back to just love Jesus and not get bogged down in the drama that can be church. And has been church for us in the not recent past. I still miss the music from our old church...how so often listening to it is more of a meeting of my soul to Jesus than many hours of sitting in church or trying to read the Bible. 

I love fall itself here in New England: beautiful. So colorful. I only wish it didn't mean we were approaching my least favorite season and the longest season up here. It's like going to play with your favorite friend, but being tricked into a closet by her older brother and being locked away for 6 months.

We actually have a family vacation coming up soon that we are almost too giddy about. A McClure Three vacation for the first time ever. We won't be going to see family, which is what our time off has meant since we've been up here. We are taking it for ourselves and going on a road trip to Philly, then to Brooklyn, then to a cabin in the Catskills. Some good friends, some adventure, and some rest in the woods. Another bit of news is that Ashley is now a registered architect. Something way too long in the making. And his firm did, in fact, hire him back last November (for those of you who were still unclear on the details of it all).

So thanks for reading...and for not taking us out of your reader. I hope I don't get neglectful of this blog again...my goal is 1-2 a week for now. Okay, so many just one a week. Now for some play time with my baby girl!