The past 6 days have been so fun. Holly came to town and we have been together nonstop. Without even a tiff, which normally happens about 2 days into constant Amy/Holly time. I think b/c I have been so starved of time with much of anyone but Ellery & Ash, her presence felt like sunshine to my soul. I swear I feel like 2 of the six months of winter have been peeled off of my heart. I love that girl. And it was so fun to see Ellery wake up everyday and run to her door to wake her up saying, "Lollylollylollylolly." She left this morning and I am more sad than I thought I would be, especially since I'm going to see her again in just over three weeks. What can I say, I'm selfish. And weepy. But she left me clothes and shoes to wear until I see her again.

(thanks for making us smile, then capturing the moment, Steph)

So, Easter happened as well this weekend. And we took pictures of all the cutesy stuff that went down...

These pictures pretty much tells you how Easter went for Ellery. BUNNIES! (or as she says, "munies!") Nathan and Liz brought bunnies to our brunch. It went exactly how you think it would have gone. Snuggles and squeals and more....with most of the squealing from the adults present getting a moment with the bunnies. Not sure how the bunnies felt about it.

sweet face

The next few photos are all out of order b/c blogger is acting funny today. This is a quick trip over to Harvard Square for some fun on Friday with Holly.

singing on the train.
seriously having a good time on the train.

more singing. i think.

entertaining Hols with her antics. as well as everyone else.

All dressed up for the brunch in a dress I wore when I was little. It was one my mom made, unsurprisingly.

A few shots of her enjoying her Easter "basket" goodies. A basket that may or may not have come together just minutes before presenting it to her...notice the Christmas pjs. Apropro, I think.

she was double-fisting the peeps, but then again, aren't they made to be double-fisted?

we made birds' nests from our faithful haystack recipe, with the addition of jelly beans for brunch. And a bunny cake. Obvs.

Saturday trip to Rockport. In the cold, drizzley rain. I'm not really sure why we did that again, but we got out of the house, which is never a bad thing in my opinion. Either way, Ellery was content to just stomp every puddle she came across. Winning.

I love this look she has. Like she somehow already knows how cheesey it is that we would be entertained by putting her in a picture with a stuffed bear at the Rockport fudgery.


Also on deck was our Thursday trip to the Sam Adams Brewery Tour. One I have been on more times than I can count. But fun. This is Ellers holding a rootbeer. I have to say that on here b/c I know random people can find this blog and will think I actually gave my child beer. And others that will argue that giving a 20 month old 2oz (of a 12oz bottle) of sugary rootbeer is probably worse than the beer. I'll stick with the lesser of the two judgements. So here it is again, ROOTBEER.

We did also make it to the Harpoon beer tasting on Monday. What can I say? Do you know us? I hope everyone had a fantastic Easter weekend. I'm leaving you with two of my favorite pictures of the weekend:

my beautiful sister. a girl who is stronger than she thinks she is. and is in store for an adventure far bigger than she thinks in the months ahead.

And my two favorite girls in the whole world.

Hols, we miss you already. Come back soon (and stay longer).

Rainy Days...

 So today is this cold drizzly rain in Boston, hence we are staying indoors. And trying to find something to do other than watch TV. Anything. So we have been painting. And I have to admit, she gets it honest. Or maybe she just "gets" the opportunity to get dirty honest. At any rate, I haven't posted much about this darling little girl, so I wanted to today. I really do enjoy my time with her, despite my general frustration I have with the suit of motherhood overall...

 This is one of the few pictures I could actually get her to look up at me for...this girl is intense about her artwork.

 I love that smile, even if I had to act REEEdiculous to get her to do it.

 Nom nom. I love watercolors.

I love this little girl. I know you're like, yeah, we get it, you're her mom, of course you love her.  I can't help how squishy lovey dovey she makes me feel. Somedays I really can't contain it. It makes it easy to slough off the sarcasm and frustration I so often feel.  As she gets older, I am overcome by the thought of how limited my time with her really is...even with as loooong as rainy days indoors can seem. I'm thinking we need a dance party if the rain doesn't let up after her nap. 

And if it does: puddle-jumping!

Welcome Spring

So the weather has been sloooowly getting warmer. As a welcome tribute to Spring, my friend Christi and I decided to make some wreaths to brighten up our entryways inspired by this blog. My other friend Heather joined us that night too for a full on girls' night in. Two bottles of wine + brie + cookies = crafting=interesting creations. Please excuse the "not so fresh" from the gym look I'm rocking and the quality of pictures as well. The lighting in our apt sucks.
 

mine got a lot more swirly than i had originally intended.

 in case you can't tell here, C is a graphic designer.

 

and H is a grad student studying costume design...

I should post some of our wreaths on our doors too, shouldn't I...?

Oh, in other news. We are having an Easter brunch. One of our guests is going to rent a bunny (a real one, not a creep in a costume). I'm sure pictures will be posted of that as Ellery has a slight obsession with "munnies" these days. Oh and said Easter brunch guest also recommends this site. Hilarious. Almost as hilarious as this used to be.

There are only 8 days until Holly arrives too! Woohoo!

Inspiration

an artist friend here in Boston sent me this quote this week...and i love it. and thought i would pass it along. it gives me room to breathe in the current state of my professional downgrade and figuring out how to continue to "just work" without a studio. I'm including some of C. Close's work for those of you who are not familiar with him.

(i also kind of feel like i look like this these days, minus the mustache and chest hair):

 

or maybe this one:

The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and somthing else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case.”
- Chuck Close

here comes the bride

currently, i have two friends that are engaged. this is a rare thing in our world as it seems it's just more and more people we are close to are getting knocked up. oh the passage of time...and don't get me wrong, babies are good. But i feel way more enthusiastic in seeing two people enter into the newly married stage than i do about the new parent stage. they have their similarities, no doubt: less sleep, less modesty, more responsibility, less freedom, more fun. but i LOVED just being two. i don't feel like the transition to marriage was nearly in any way as hard for me as it was transitioning into parenthood. i treasured, and maybe currently idolize, all that time Ash and i had as just the two of us.

this upcoming week, my friend C is getting married. i just recently learned about it (if not simply because it is a very short engagement) and it makes me so happy that this wedding is happening.  i have been very far and disconnected from it's circumstances, and will sadly also not be able to be present for the vows. yet i am so grateful for the hope that this wedding represents by it's very occurrence that it almost takes my breath away. like i said, i don't know as many of the details of all that has happened but i am so much more assured of the One who draws hearts together...the One who holds and heals hearts when they are so fragile and so pierced and bruised you think all hope is lost for this little one and why not just put it out of it's misery. I knew C and her first husband, D, when they lived across the street from us in Bhm. we spent a lot of time together, particularly on friday nights, and i loved it. When we moved to Boston and then D suddenly passed a couple of months later, i felt  insanely sad for a friend in a way that i never had before. i was paralyzed in my movement toward her b/c well, you just don't know what to say or do b/c you aren't physically there anymore to say or do like you would have done or would want to, so anything i said or did felt like nothing at all. and i was just thankful to hear that good people were close to her, loving her well, though not the way D did. and that made me even sadder for her. it paralyzed a lot of my thinking about God and how i thought He worked. it made me think not nice things at all about Him. and i couldn't pray for awhile. but then i did again, i guess. i haven't been able to imagine her grief, and am certain i cannot imagine the bittersweet joy in this new marriage. the quote from Wendell Berry's Hannah Coulter she put in the invitation says it all to me: But grief is not a force and has no power to hold. You only bear it. Love is what carries you, for it is always there, even in the dark, or most in the dark, but shining out at times like gold stitches in a piece of embroidery. I am thankful for C and for her L.

C, i love you and am so thankful for your life and friendship. you have taught me more about being okay with mystery (even if it's against our wills) in your being just who you are. you are a bride that brings hope (among so many things, i know), down the aisle...in a way more beautiful to me than any other bride i have ever seen. i hope your weekend is full of joy and remembrance...and of laughter at the days ahead.

boatloads

so i hoped you liked the roomies post. i have gotten several emails from the old roomies asking why they were not mentioned. i believe the sub-category i implied under memorable roommates was "the ones i don't keep up with." believe me, if we have a story, it will be posted on here at some point. when you least expect it. bwa-hahaha...i might even link the post to my fb wall and tag you in it. time to unfriend...?

friday night i babysat a friend's kids so she and her husband can have a night out before they leave town for six weeks for one of her husband's projects. i should also mention she is 32 weeks pregnant. they are flying to and from. and they have two kids. i sit here in awe of how stressed she must feel despite her really showing it. how stressed i would feel. that doesn't say much, as my own capacity for motherhood, much less the prospect of #2 anytime soon, seems way too small for where i should be at this point and completely overwhelms me...and i have more issues than that statement enlightens at this time.  it has less to do with the kid and more to do with the iceberg i feel in my soul right now.

i had a conversation with the bestie and her hubs last weekend about shame and guilt. and this week my thoughts have been a mulled wine spiced with those aromas. i see how so much of my decisions and attitudes come from that place. i see it in my history, my present and am damned if i will let it continue into my future, and especially with Ellers. the question is how? how do i let these things bubble up and not spill all over the place? a wise woman once told me that we all give our kids reasons to go to counseling, we might as well pay for it. this is true...and why Ellery will thank me for not putting money away for her college. so yeah, shame and guilt. the guilt i get, having been raised a good little Southerner (& baptist at the time too). it is ingrained alongside my Emily Post lessons, often motivating that thank you note for such gracious hospitality. we Southerners are even to be grateful for that guilt-ridden upbringing b/c to call out such guilt-imbibed commentary on living is to be riddled with more for even thinking such. why i would never...

which leaves shame. this one is trickier for me. my parents were champions of their kids and all that we did, so it's not something that i think came from my parents at all. i mean, c'mon. in reading the last post, there are mentions of things any lady should feel shameful about, but i'm talking about a deeper sense of shame than situational. i'm not sure the shame was something i learned as much as i applied from my place in life. as for any kid, middle and high school were hard for me. but i was a fat kid. albeit, one who lost a lot of weight from about 8th-10th grade...a lot of weight. i had finally had it with the teasing and the names and such and just owned it. i was great at losing weight once i got started. and bonus, i got attention. especially from boys. and even better, from girls who were now okay being my friend now that i looked like them. it got harder to maintain in college, so i lost a lot of that guy attention, so to speak. thankfully, i had finally found real girlfriends and women i knew i could trust.  and then after college, a huge slap in the face regarding weight happened alongside the end of my first engagement. at that moment, i felt more betrayed than i ever had in my entire life. someone knowing my greatest struggle and the crux of rejection for me, and using as a reason to leave. that is where i find shame. and everything that stems from weight, body image, anything. not because of that one incident (which turned out involving a serious addiction to porn by the obviously way-off-base ex-fiance), but the series of it all...of repeating patterns related to it. and the new crop of lies i like to run to now that i've had a kid. Poor Ashley--on so many levels. haha. he is not only fighting with me, but so much more often is he fighting with all the voices in my head and the shame i let drag me around by my tail. i realize as an adult i should be able to just get over it and move on, but that's exactly what i'm talking about. i don't go through my back story everyday like i did here. but the shameful way of thinking i learned from it still wants to whisper that i'm so off track it's ridiculous. it tempts me to quit from the moment i get up some days. in all of it, shame tells me i'm not good enough. i don't deserve good, so why try...why try at life? i'm not saying that i believe these thoughts, but i'm not ignoring that they happen. i want to believe that i'm not alone in thinking that, either. and i do want to try. even if just for Ellery's sake in this season of life. i don't want to pass this along. body image alone and all that comes for it for girls is unbearably hard at times in our culture and i can't shelter her from that as much as i can model (and sincerely believe) that we are not defined by our outward or how others value our outward, and not fall prey to lies and shame. i want us to both believe the Voice that is bigger and more important than ours.

whew. i'm not sure i knew i was thinking all of that. thanks for letting me process. typing this out is really theraputic for me, so remind me of your address and i'll send you a check.

april foolery

this week, though not quite in april we:

1.) received a ticket for an expired tag ($40). it's not expired, we simply didn't get the stickers for the tag with our registration (which now involves what will be an entire morning at the RMV to right the ticket and secure the stickers. with a toddler in tow. OY VEY).

2.) received a summons to appear in court. this was received less than 30 minutes after the aforementioned ticket. by two law and order style cops waiting at my door as i drove up to our house. Good Lord, they've come for me. true story. turns out it was a summons for Ashley to appear in court for having witnessed some criminal activity in the neighborhood in January. Whew.

3.) received 2" of accumulated snow last night. this is by far the most obnoxious thing on this list, don't you agree?

and now it is 19 days until i see my holly-polly!