this whole groaning over whether or not to let the business go/take a break has been going on way too long. i feel like i've been on a sinking ship for quite some time...especially since Ellery was born. juggling time with her + home + all that Olaria requires doesn't seem worthwhile. it's not like it's even creative anymore. it's just production. it's a dying stinking beast that isn't earning it's keep. i barely make enough to pay the babysitter/daycare and any satisfaction that could happen is not there. i keep wondering why am i going to all this effort. i work weekends, nights, early mornings (sometimes) and feel less and less creative. the last two wholesale shows have left me feeling like little more than a monkey jumping through ridiculous hoops.
i have to make a decision about my next wholesale show by today at 5pm EST. if i don't do it, i can't keep the studio. if i can't keep the studio, i can't work on anything...even creatively (in clay). the next likely chance that i'll get to work like this again is after this current station of life and kid(s) are in school. that last sentence does not mean i'm pregnant again...or that we are trying. we are not.
i keep thinking and praying and looking at pros and cons and i just need someone to tell me what to do.
next post will be positive. i promise. i may even tell you about the barista i nearly beheaded.
so: tell me what to do.
4 comments:
1) you are not a failure. not even close.
2) you answered your own question - the only thing that's keeping you in it is money
3) TELL THE STORY
4) Kat and Garth ATLANTA. I am so excited. I am using my miles for it.
changing your focus for a season wouldn't be a failure. just a different kind of success. just want you to know that. love you :)
I am working my way backwards on my google reader also hoping to figure out more about the barista. Sorry Olaria hasn't been very fulfilling. I think if it is more costly/exhausting then beneficial i would consider putting it on hold till a more "less demanding season" of life (kid/future kids are more independent, i promise it will come!)Plus you are creative by nature and that can be used in other fulfilling ways. Love ya and wish i could give you a big hug!
first, i agree with laura.
(not a failure to pause or stop)
second, perhaps there is a creative outlet for you that wouldn't require studio time? or perhaps there is a studio that you could rent for less time and you could back off of wholesale? just some thoughts.
do you think you would enjoy making jewelry if it were a smaller scale?
you'll find your path...
it also helps to think of life in chapters/seasons...
xo.
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