irony of hope

Sooo. We leave Bhm in 6 days...and I have SO much to do. Every time I go to pack something up, it seems like it's too much to pack up at once, so I go do something else, like laundry. And then I remember that I was supposed to be packing, so I go back and forth between unfinished tasks all day. And then people stop by and (though I love love love it) I get so distracted all over again. How I know I'll long to be distracted two weeks from now...which is probably why you'll see more posts start appearing. If I can pull myself out of the fetal position long enough to type anything. ;)

There's so much to look forward to in this move...a fresh start of sorts. It's easy to think that I will be someone else in Boston...that Ashley will too. We WANT to be, so why wouldn't we be, am I right? Part of what initiated this move is the feeling that we were far too settled and far too stuck where we are in our little community of work and play. Now as I pack up our days and fold away the memories of labor and love we have poured into this home, I'm not so sure that was a bad thing. 

Being that today is Easter and though I feel like we have just ignored it this year in this busy moving season, I find that there is hope stirring in my heart, what has felt numb for quite some time now. It's ironic to see it, even feel it there. It seems all joy comes with sorrow and though I long for change in my own life, it seems like forever getting there. It's easier to think that things will fall apart before they get better at every turn. Ashley sees it as my little storm cloud and I'm reluctant to give it up--even in the face of God's goodness b/c somehow I will still be right if it all falls through. "HA! I knew it, God!" says the storm cloud in my brain. But...I hope that I will hope.