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Though Lent has begun, it's been hard to focus on the soul-searching things I should be thinking of in this season. I feel like I've been doing that since November. And b/c we gave up "buying things" (pretty much anything besides groceries) for Lent, all I want to do is shop browse online. In reality, a lot of what I think about is specifically related to house stuff. A myriad of blogs with beautiful images about how to shape up your space, etc only make me more discontent with where I live/how we are living. For example:

These images are from the website of a design firm and shoppe in Rosemary Beach, FL (that carries some of my work at the beach location):

Every single picture makes me intensely envious of the people who get to live in these spaces. But it also makes me long to own a home again...to create and influence the space I live in in a dramatic way and to make it truly my own. I know first-hand the trials that come with home ownership, but after having rented for 3 years now (which feels much longer), memory has smudged all the F-bombs, frustration and arguments, time-consumption, and 40 trips to Home Depot to connect one bathroom sink, from my thinking about even the smallest renovation, much less, the total overhaul.

Here, I'm saying it on the interwebs, my Ash. Due to my time-warped mind and desire to move somewhere affordable, I actually wouldn't mind a fixer-upper (mostly b/c it offers you an opportunity to be the (co)designer AND client like you always dreamed of and not just b/c we can't afford anything else, coupled with the thought of continuing to live in this dark cramped apartment with a restless kid makes me more than anxious).

Though I'm not sure I would be able to create quite these kinds of spaces due to a lack of funds (you noticed the wolf and subzero appliances, and the soaking tub, didn't you?), but I do love creating with Ash. His style is very different from my "rustic" tendencies, and his "contemporary vernacular" often falls short of function in my opinion. And I'm sure we'd have to find a compromise between what he calls "cluttered with junk" and what I call "styled and hospitable." Haha.

I recognize this is just part of my continued looooonging for change in my life, a continual idealization of what is not present. I am longing for wide(r) open(er) spaces and clean(er) air, wherever that may be found. No place is ideal in our minds, but it's not a big secret that we would love to move back to the South. We are always looking for an opportunity. I am certain it will happen one day, sooner rather than later, even if just for Ellery's sake of being a little closer to family. It will be bittersweet in the leaving here as much as it has been bittersweet in the coming, the staying and doing life here.

Cheers to not being stuck in renovation at the moment, not being house-poor, and to the Spring which should be arriving soon, with a preview tomorrow and Friday.

Oh, and what did you give up for Lent?