so as you recover from the shock of actually seeing an update on here, i will also let you know that we promise to try to upload photos of buttercup as soon as possible for those of you who aren't on facebook. hopefully, that will be next week.
i'm usually so busy with the business and all that is going on b/w that and home that i find writing to be difficult. more difficult still is taking the time to think thoughts worth writing. with Ash being off work this summer, that alone thinking time has been even more minimal. not that i need to be alone to think, it's just that constant companionship usually results in seeing my thoughts/emotions about everything come at a distance. like maybe passing by a fields of flowers, but never stopping by to collect a few to take home with me. or a junk yard. y'know, whatever analogy works here.
This morning i was emailing a friend whom i rarely get to speak to and (though it was unnecessarily early to be up and thinking), it actually made me sit down and think about these last few months and about this season of life i find myself/us in. i think i've been so bad about catching up with dear friends that it's been easy to not catch up with myself.
i would never have said that it would be a good thing for my husband to get laid off in the last few months before we bring our first child into the world. how scary is that? what i didn't expect in these days is to fall in love with this man all over again. and to relish these last days together sans kiddo(s). being that we have only known each other in the daily grind of working life, we've never really had extended time to just hang out and BE with one another. we have been stripped of projects to do around the house like we had in Bhm. we have been stripped of income to do things we'd otherwise love to do. but there are a surprising amount of free/cheap things to do here in the summer. (i mean, hello beaches). i've been busy at times with the business and he's been studying for his ARE's all summer. i feel a little guilty saying that these past 2.5 months have been my favorite of our marriage b/c we've had time to just hang out with each other. and despite the other part of these kinds of circumstances, i DO feel God's kindness stripping away a lot of bitterness I hadn't realized had puddled in my heart. he is taking away my "AH-HA, i KNEW it! You aren't good after all..." thinking. though i know i'm not becoming any kind of pollyanna or anything, b/c it's hard not to think a dark and stormy cloud is approaching like i always do. it's really been a sweet time with him anticipating this baby. and i cannot WAIT to see him with our daughter.
as of now, we haven't heard anything from his old job yet about the possibility of rehiring, but have been living on the MA Dept. of Unemployment with our fingers crossed. Ash IS looking for work, but i think nationally, about 40% of architects are out of work, which makes the opps few and the pool of applicants large. which is another reason that finishing his tests could improve his chances of getting rehired somewhere sooner. it's interesting, the day he got laid off, I received a $1200 wholesale order (which is absolutely not the norm, in case you were wondering)...then more orders, and more re-orders...and it's been crazy unpredictable and busy for the business. all that to say, i feel like we are being taken care of and am more hopeful than i thought i would be at this point. asking me that post-partum make get you a different answer though. just putting that out there.
and so, holy crap. we are having a kid sometime this week. i think i will be holding her in total shock. i think she will be having her own kid one day and i will still be in shock that i have kids. pregnancy has been pretty good to me...this week is definitely getting a little uncomfortable though, especially after Ash and I decide to take 3 miles walks. i will say, i'm tired of people asking me, A.) Are you just ready to explode? and B.) Aren't you just SO miserable (b/c you LOOK miserable)? baby girl is measuring kind of large and my normally straight-faced doctor even used the phrase 'crimeny! this is a big baby!' when she inspected the belly a few weeks ago. it's okay though, b/c apparently, i have the pelvis for it, she assured me. nice...thanks doc.
so i hope that catches you up. you know i have to exhaust your ears/eyes (and my fingers) in this whole blogging process when I do it. i'm assuming i won't have the brain capacity to write one like this for awhile. hopefully our next update will include pictures of a cute baby girl! Squeeeeal!
~love from the bean.
