Getting laid. off.

“As of May 20^th, 2009, your status as an employee has been terminated.”

That’s how my severance letter read. The actual meeting with HR went a bit differently. The HR director had a small wrinkled piece of paper on her hand that seemed like it had been working hard. You could tell it had been through a lot of these meetings. The piece of paper had bullet points on it. I couldn’t read what it said, but I’m sure it was her talking points and her key phrases.

• Hi, Ashley. I have _______ here in my office. We were just discussing your schedule. Could you come down so we could discuss it with you?

Pleasantries were exchanged. Three times I was asked how I was. Only two people in the room, but somehow they managed to ask that question three times.

I knew why I was there.

• I’m sorry to say that we’re going to have to let you go.

The words came abruptly. Even though I expected them, it was still sudden. The previous day, the day I returned to work from my vacation, I saw one person walking around the office crying. The person next to me received a phone call and never came back to his desk. Everyone knew what was going on – it was the third round this year.

• We just want to let you know this wasn’t a performance related decision.

That made me feel better, but I had heard this spill before when they talked about the previous people who had been selected to leave. I always assumed that they were being nice and polite in an effort not to further malign discarded employees. I mean, they had to make the decision somehow – who wouldn’t weed out the least fittest among us?

But then it was said to me.

I never had a negative performance review. I was pretty sure that I was going the extra mile for my project, at least a few extra hundred feet or so. But then, I wasn’t planning on leaving in a few months to go back to school. I had a billable project assignment. I was working overtime, and not being paid for it. Other people who were planning on leaving in a few months, did not have project assignments, and did not have enough work to keep them busy in overtime still had jobs.

So why me?

• We’ve met with 31 people regarding layoffs.

I know it was said in an effort to soften the blow. I assumed, as would be natural, that the two of these people had been in meetings with 31 different people the previous day and that morning. I felt sorry for them, to have to deliver this news to that many people in a short amount of time. I found out later that 31 was a total number, as in a total of all layoffs. The three rounds total. This round was only 10. You can’t soften the blow with 10.

So why me?

I did just return from a vacation. But it had been approved. I would assume that if they disapproved, they would have told me, instead of telling me to go on so they could let me go when I got back. When I came to the office Tuesday, I saw that there had been people who were higher up placed on the project. That’s when I really thought I might be in trouble. Apparently they didn’t have enough work to do, so they took my place.

Someone suggested maybe it was because the person making the decision didn’t know me. Possible, maybe even probable. Out of an office of 300+ people, it’s hard to have a personal relationship with everyone, and it may surprise you to know that I haven’t paraded myself around shaking hands and meetings people since I started there.

Who made this decision anyway? If it wasn’t performance related, what was it? The other two laid off architects were hired around the same time as me. Did they just work their way backwards from the most recent hires? Or did they pull my number out of a rotating hamster wheel? Is that what they want me to think?

• We hope to be able to hire you back in or around the first of September.

I took them as being sincere when they said that. I mean, they didn’t have to say it. Why would they lie? But what if they were kind of skirting the truth, like the 31 people thing? What if they meant, “We hope to hire you back in or around the first of September as a janitor?”

Based on my severance package, I think they’re being honest, but who knows.

I’ve been asked what I’m going to do. What am I going to do? I’ve filed for unemployment. It sounds nice to be a beach bum living off of the government. Hey – I’m just being honest. Summer really is the best time to be without a job.

Of course, I’ll be productive. I will help out with Olaria. Hopefully I can help that make some money. I will be studying for my ARE’s. Might as well get those over and done with. Getting things ready for buttercup will take up a good chunk of time. I will be doing some household stuff, kind of a househusband role, and, hopefully, I can have some time to do some things I’ve never taken time to do.

Oh yeah, and a job. Well, I have to agree to actively search for a job while on unemployment. So I’ll do that, too. I have some people that have already offered things to me, so that’s nice. Little things I think I can do from home. Even better. There are zero architecture jobs available in this country, so there’s nothing that would really help with my career. But there are several temporary positions available, and there’s always Starbucks. Or maybe I could get an outside job? It’s nice here in the summer… Whatever it is, I have to work out our budget before I make a decision there.

• We’re so sorry. This sucks.

I don’t remember if that was said, but I’m pretty sure it should have been.

Ashley